An Announcement + Chocolate Doughnuts with Real Strawberry Icing {vegan}
We're moving to Chicago!!!
I'm starting a doctoral Psy.D. program in Clinical Psychology the end of August. I've wanted to do this for what feels like forever, at times the vulnerability of actually admitting it felt overwhelming, but it's been in the works for a very very long time. I get to specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and I hope to one day integrate my work in mindfulness + meditation into working with clients facing mental health challenges.
Aside from loving the program, we were really quite smitten with Chicago, a city neither of us had very high expectations for. The pulse of the city made me feel like I was back in New York, but with a fresh new mid-western perspective. Although reminiscent of it, Chicago doesn't try to be New York. It holds it's own and has a lot to offer. Also it has really good food, costs way less than LA, snows (I know we are crazy, but we miss snuggle/soup weather), and enables me to sell my car and hopefully rely solely on a bike (I've already got one all picked out!), all of which excite me to the point of elation.
I knew in my gut right after the interview this is where I'm supposed to be. I found out I was accepted just over a month ago, felt like the weight of the world had lifted, and have been riding the high ever since. I submitted my deposit and made it official a couple days ago and I am so so excited.
That being said, we have less than four months left in LA, which somehow feels daunting and exciting at the same time. It's an odd feeling to know that your current life has an expiration date. I've found myself both "checked out" and trying to savor these last months here. We made a bucket list of all the things we need to do before we leave, most of which just includes restaurants. But this I know for certain, my students will be the thing I miss most about my time here in LA. They fail to mention two things when you do a teacher training. 1. That you pretty much take a vow of poverty when you commit to a career as a yoga teacher. and 2. That you will absolutely come to love your students, they will inspire you, push you, and teach you more than you could ever know.
Also, my husband will most likely be sailing for the first year we're there, which means he'll be gone for weeks at a time. If you have the secret to making two careers work simultaneously, please let us in on it, because it's been rough. Ultimately it's going to be a good move that brings us both closer to the life we want, even though we have to take one step back in order to take two steps forward.
And although I'm totally terrified and excited, I think a lot of what being an adult is is constantly working to fill shoes larger than our own. I remember a couple years ago not even being able to admit to people that I secretly wanted to be a yoga teacher. It felt big, scary, and vulnerable, and when I first attempted teaching full-time I felt like I was awkwardly trying to "fake it until I made it" in shoes that were way too big for me. Flash forward a couple of years and those same shoes are snug and comfortable.
Then I started the whole application process, took the GRE, awkwardly asked for letters of recommendation, and poured my heart into my essays; I felt like I was once again awkwardly trying to fill those giant shoes. And starting classes this August, then working in the field through practicum and internships will probably feel the same. But I'm learning to be okay with it. To accept that the awkward, unsure, "fake it till you make it" phase is a part of growth. It's a sign that you're moving into a new level of power. And I think patience is the greatest thing we can offer ourselves as we stumble to figure it out, because those shoes that felt enormous, we'll eventually grow right into.
I think ultimately Brené Brown says it better than I ever could:
“The bottom line is, if you’re going to go into the arena, you’re going to get your butt kicked. But as scary and dangerous as that sounds, I don’t think it’s as scary and dangerous as spending your entire life on the outside wondering what if I would had shown up. To me that’s far more dangerous. And I know it’s seductive to stand outside the arena, and think to myself ‘I’m going to go in there and kick some ass when I’m bullet proof and when I’m perfect.’ And that is seductive. But the truth is, that never happens. And even if you got as perfect as you could, and as bullet proof as you could muster, when you got in there that’s not what we want to see. We want you to go in and we want for ourselves and for the people we care about and the people we work with to dare greatly”
So I made doughnuts to celebrate moving to the city that makes the best dang doughnuts I've ever had. They are simple, baked, and vegan and they have a strawberry coconut glaze made with real strawberries, because duh, it's April, so why not?
Oh and if you're wondering I still have every intention to keep this little space on the internet while in school, because honestly there are few places I'd rather escape to than in my own kitchen. I'm hoping this new city will only channel a greater sense of foodspiration. So now I'd love to hear from you. Have you been to Chicago? Maybe you're from there or have family there? Where should we live? What should we do? Where should we eat? Seriously give me everything you've got!
Chocolate Doughnuts with Real Strawberry Icing {vegan}
makes 18 doughnuts
For the doughnuts:
2 cups bread flour (see notes)
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
1 can full-fat coconut milk minus 2 tablespoons
2 tablespoons lemon juice (~1 lemon)
2 flax eggs (1/4 cup water + 2 tablespoons flax seed meal + 1/2 teaspoon baking powder ) OR chicken eggs
1/2 cup coconut oil
2 tablespoons instant coffee
1/4 cup (1.5 oz) chocolate chips
1 teaspoon vanilla
For the icing:
1/2 pound strawberries (~1 heaping cup), quartered
1 teaspoon coconut oil
pinch of salt
2 tablespoon canned coconut milk
1/4 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup powdered sugar
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. In a small prep bowl, prepare the flax eggs by combining water with flax seed meal and let sit while you prepare the remaining ingredients. In a medium bowl combine coconut milk with lemon juice and let sit. In a large bowl whisk together the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, salt, and sugar. Warm the coconut oil until melted and very warm. Stir the chocolate chips and instant coffee into the hot coconut oil until the chocolate melts and the mixture is cohesive. Add baking powder to the flax eggs and stir. Combine coconut oil mixture, coconut milk, flax eggs and vanilla. Stir the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients until completely combined.
Spray your doughnut pan with non-stick cooking spray (I used Trader Joe's Coconut Oil Spray) and scoop about 1/4 cup of batter into each doughnut mold. I used a cookie dough scoop to do this. Cook each batch of doughnuts for 14-17 minutes until a toothpick comes out clean. Let cool for about 5 minutes then invert the pan over a cooling rack. They should come out pretty easily.
While your doughnuts are cooking, prepare the glaze. In a small saucepan, cook strawberries, salt, and coconut oil for about 5 minutes over medium/low heat until strawberries have softened and their juices have thickened. Blend strawberries, coconut milk, and powdered sugar in the a blender or food processor until completely smooth.
After doughnuts have cooled completely, dip each doughnut into the icing and serve.
Notes:
Here's the thing with the bread flour. I tried this recipe with a combination of all purpose flour and whole wheat pastry flour the first time around and the resulting doughnuts were light and fluffy like sheet cake. The problem was they were so light and fluffy you could barely pick them up, let alone dip them in icing, without them completely falling apart. They hold together much better with bread flour and also taste much closer to traditional fried cake-style doughnuts.